How about: WHENEVER YOU WANT TO!
The most common reason for NOT telling is the risk of miscarriage….people are afraid to share the news of “having a baby” because they are afraid of having to deal with the aftermath in case “something happens”……
Who wants to share the news of pregnancy only to miscarry and have to deal with all the constant congrats for a pregnancy that is no more, or having to repeatedly explain what happened and that you are no longer pregnant?!?!?
On the flip side, how hard is it to keep something like a new pregnancy to yourself?!?!? If you are/were anything like me, I was literally bursting at the seams!(As a complete aside, at the 6 week mark, I couldn’t fit into any of my “normal” wardrobe, and immediately had to resort to maternity wear……Being as petite as I am, it wasn’t hard to notice “the glow” or the increase in breast size…….)
We didn’t share our pregnancy news until we were outside of the first trimester. Our choice not to share included knowing that the risk of miscarriage, which is generally 15% overall, was slightly increased due to my being of advanced maternal age(greater than or equal to age 35).
Please note, however, that the further along in gestation you progress during the first trimester, the lesser your chances of miscarrying; for example, once a heartbeat is confirmed by ultrasound at the 8 week mark, the risk of miscarriage from that point on is roughly about 3%.
The other reason we chose to “wait” on sharing our news, is we weren’t really sure how our families would react. My dad, after all, was and still is the pastor of one of the largest baptist churches in Cincinnati, OH. I knew it was already tough enough for him dealing with the fact that he had a lesbian daughter, and now his lesbian daughter and her wife were bringing a child into the world?!?!? While I have ultimately ALWAYS marched to the beat of my own drum and learned to follow my own heart’s desires; I am still very sensitive to how my actions may affect others.
While we were fortunate in that our pregnancy went off without a hitch so to speak, and we had the love and support of our family and friends, what happens if things hadn’t turned out quite so well? Being able to rely on those same family and friends through a difficult time such as a miscarriage would certainly prove to be beneficial.
My general rule of thumb is this: go with your gut. There is no right or wrong answer as pertains to when or when not to share the amazing news of a new pregnancy. The same people that will support you in your joy, are the same ones you may need to console you if things don’t quite turn out as planned.
Hoping this blog post adds value to your day!
Until next time,
Look Better. Feel Better. Be Better.
Dr. Angela
